lump.

Dear Mom, 

About a week ago I found a lump and went to the doctors to have it checked out. I had a suspicion that I shouldn't be all that worried, but I didn't want to just write it off either. The doctor didn't seem all that concerned about it, but he sent me for a mammogram and an ultrasound anyway. He explained that it was probably fibroid tissue, but given our family history, he wanted to have me sent over anyway. 

Of course I've made myself sick with worry, even though the doctor explained that it was probably nothing.  Everyone else I told about the tests, offered the same condolence, but I don't think anything could change how worried I will be every time I go in for one of these tests. Aside from my fear of cancer, I've always feared the dreaded mammogram. People always talk about how awful they are and how much it hurts, so I wasn't exactly excited to go in and get squished. 

Today I went for tests and it was a wonderful experience. Wonderful, because the doctor was right. I have fibroid cysts and dense tissue that are probably just now showing up due to age or birth control. The ultrasound tech was really nice and talked me through the whole thing. She showed me the "lump" on the screen and what it looked like, then showed me what it would look like if it was a mass or a tumor. She reassured me that I did the right thing by coming in and didn't make me feel like I was paranoid for being worried about it. 

The mammogram itself wasn't painful at all. Obviously it wasn't the most comfortable experience I have ever had, but I wouldn't label it dreadful nor would I tell anyone that it hurt. 

When the radiology physician came in we discussed your history and we even talked about genetic testing, an option several OB's have shoved down my throat when they find out about your history. She explained that you wouldn't even have known what genetic testing was, since you passed away just a few years before it became the new thing. Had it been around, you could have had it done so that it could be determined if your type of cancer was genetic or not. Otherwise, she explained, that even if I tested positive all that would determine is that they would take a more radical approach to my testing cycle, which they are going to do anyway, given your history.

I think the best part about the whole experience is that the doctor was patient and understanding. She listened to me and didn't write off my concerns. She didn't suggest I have genetic testing, instead she explained more what it is and why it's recommended in some situations. She showed me right away that the tissue was nothing to be worried about, but that I shouldn't write off any future changes as fibroid tissue or cysts. 

I am amazed at how much has changed since you've passed away. Each day not only do they get closer to finding a cure, but people are becoming more educated and testing options are getting easier and more accurate. 

I am so relieved that it is nothing, but I am so thankful to have had the experience. 

I love you, Mom. 

Your Daughter, 

Deborah