Granny Annie.

Dear Mom,

One thing I realized this week is that you should know how wonderful and beautiful all three of your granddaughters are. I got to spend time with all three of them over Christmas break and I was amazed at how much they are like you. Being with them again was so special. It is not very often that I get to share memories of you with someone who can actually relate to what I am saying. Someone who can say "Ohhh, I remember that!"

Kaitlyn Ann.

She is fifteen now, Mom. FIFTEEN. Can you believe it? I remember when she was born and I was so proud. I was an aunt at the age of eight, when most of my friends were just getting new little brothers and sisters. When we would bring her into stores, I couldn't help but laugh when people were shocked that you were already a grandma. You enjoyed the ego boost.

Kaitlyn is very mature for her age. She is definitely not a follower. When she has something to say, she makes sure that she says it, but chooses her words carefully, making an effort to consider everyones feelings. She would never hurt anyone on purpose, and it would crush her if she knew she did. Her heart is as tender as yours and she is so easily breakable too. She enjoys making people laugh and she is so smart. She is so good at drawing and will doodle on just about everything, including her arms, hands, shoes, whatever she can. And beautiful, gosh she is beautiful. Her skin is porcelain and I don't think she has even had one pimple in her life.

She is so much like you and loves to talk about you. She still refers to you as "Granny Annie" and enjoys talking about going camping and spending time at our house. I love how vivid her memories are of you, I can almost see them dancing in her mind when she talks about you. She misses you so much.

Lyndsey Jane.

Fourteen, and only 11 months behind Kaitlyn. She has filled into her role so well. Never once have I heard her complain about having a sister in the same grade, in fact they seem to enjoy having one another as friends. Actually, they remind me so much of you and Aunt Agnes.

Lyndsey is like you in a lot of ways too. She is so gosh darn beautiful and is always worried about her weight and how she looks. If I could make her understand one thing, it would be that she is perfect. just. as. she. is. You were just like that, always attending a new exercise class and wondering if your jeans made you look fat. That is totally Lyndsey, and just like you, she has absolutely no reason to be worried about it.

Lyndsey loves fashion and enjoys taking different pieces of clothing and throwing them together as an outfit. Matching or not matching, she wears what she wants. Even in the middle of winter, wearing moccasins even though they are totally inappropriate for the weather outside. I am so proud of her for this.

She has an edge in her attitude that let's you know she is getting irritated with you. She has a silence in her voice that let's you know when you are pushing her too far. She has a facial expression she makes that lets you know she just needs a little bit of encouragement.

I love watching her face light up when people compare her to you. She knows she is receiving a compliment and loves the thought of being just like her Granny Annie.

Anna Mae.


Wow! 6!

The last time you saw her, you were able to hold her in your arms. Would you believe me if I told you she is already in Kindergarden? Time really does fly.

It really is perfect that she was named after you.

Just like you, she loves to talk. Her biggest enjoyment comes from telling stories, explaining them in every detail in her wonderful southern accent. She knows she is funny and delights when people laugh along with her. She will often repeat it one more time, just to hear another round of laughter. Then she'll hide her rosy round face in her hands with embarrassment, when she realizes all eyes are on her.

Dance. She loves to dance. That had to come from you, because the rest of us are rhythmically challenged. She will put on her cheerleading songs and put on a show, but only for a small crowd and definitely not in front of boys. Especially Brian. Excuse me, Uunnncle Brian. She is so proud to introduce him to her family as her 'new uncle' whenever we come around.

One thing about Anna that has amazed me is how much of you is in her, even though she was so young when you left me. When she was about four she would set up tea parties in her living room for two and when you asked who the chair was for, she said you were sitting there with her. She would walk with her arm out and pretend to hold your hand walking through the super market. You were her imaginary friend and she would tell anyone about you. She was so proud to have you as a grandma, even if it was only in her memories.

She adores you.

--

Why am I telling you this? Because I've been thinking so much about the effect you have had on our family and how your absence has not gone unnoticed. Lately I have realized just how much you live through all of the people that I love. Those girls are a representation of what your love did for our family, and they know how much you loved them. They were so proud to have you as a grandma, even if you were stolen away from them too soon.

Know that they are proud of you and that you should be proud of them. Know that they are beautiful and that they haven't forgotten who you are. Know that no matter what, I will make sure all of your grandchildren know you in the same exact way and that they will know how special you were to all of us.

I love you.

Your daughter,

Deborah

Cody.

Dear Mom,

I would like you to meet Cody. He's the most recent addition to our family and the most lovable yet annoying creature I have ever owned.

I wanted you to hear about him because everyone else that knows us has to. They have to listen to us talk about how smart he is. How he can play fetch and is willing to retrieve anything we throw. He drinks out of the toilet. He sleeps in our sink. He sucks his thumb like a baby (super annoying). He shakes his butt, wiggling it back in forth, when hunting for his ball. It's hilarious.


I am fully aware that when our friends leave our apartment they go home and tell everyone about how they have these weird friends who can't stop talking about their cat. We've slowly become those creepy cat people.

We love him.

He tests our patience at least ten times a day, knocking things over on purpose. We argue over how to punish him and chase after him when he steals something he is not supposed to have.

In some ways I believe know he is preparing us for how we can become great parents, shaping us for what is yet to come, showing us the kinds of things we are going to argue over when it comes to discipline and leniency.

I also wanted to tell you because you and I both loved cats. Grandma and I always talk about how you would sneak them in the house at night, even though you weren't supposed to have them in the house at all. You always had a weakness for them and understood that they can be awesome animals if given the same love that most people give to their dogs.

Well anyway, meet Cody.. because everyone else has to.

Your daughter,
Deborah

You went to college and all you are is a Barista?

Dear Mom, 

I have started well over ten letters to you since the last time I wrote. For some reason I can not finish any of them. 

I do not know what has caused this little stint of writers block. It could be that all of my energy and emotion is being piled into my job as well as helping Brian to find one and in the meantime secretly hoping that I don't have to stay at Starbucks forever. 

I just wish I knew what I was supposed to be doing with my life. I wish I had some sort of an inspiration. I wish I could go back to May, before graduation, and have that feeling of motivation and confidence, knowing that I could now do whatever it is I want to do. 

And here I sit, slowly paying off my student loans one painful payment after the other and for what? Because someone five years ago told me that in order to be successful in life I had to go to college. 

What no one ever made fully aware to me is that I could graduate and still feel like I have absolutely no idea what I want to do. What I've realized now is that there are very few people who actually do make it through college knowing what they want to do. 

So I wade with the majority in a pool of uncertainty, hoping that miraculously I will wake up tomorrow knowing what I am made for. 

Mom I know that I might sound bitter. I'm not. It's just that if one more person (family members included) says to me "You wasted all of that money on school and now you work at Starbucks," I think I might crawl into a hole and hide there for a long time.  

I just wish I knew what I was good at. I wish I knew what I should be doing, even if I forever and always hold the title "Barista." 

I love you mom. 

Your Daughter, 

Deborah