Grannie Annie, meet Hayleigh.

Dear Mom,

We made it.

Those three words sum up my entire birth story, and honestly it is the only thing that matters to me now. I am so proud and honored for you to meet your beautiful, healthy and wonderful granddaughter, Hayleigh Elizabeth Luke.

In the days since she's joined us here, I have been overwhelmed with emotion on how wonderful it is to be her mom. There have been moments when I've just stared at her hands and cried, because I can't believe that she is mine. I have been instantly hit with all of the things in this world that I want to protect her from, and I will do everything that I can to make sure she knows how much she is loved.

I think you would have loved her. My heart breaks that I'll never know for sure, but if I close my eyes for a moment I can imagine what it would have been like to have you there with me.

As it is with every new life experience, this one was by far the hardest to face without you. Throughout my pregnancy, I found myself wondering so many things that I would have loved to have asked you. I wasn't really concerned with those kind of questions when I was sixteen, but now I wish I would have asked. Fortunately, I am able to depend on the stories or memories of others, because that is all that I have left to go by.. I'll never hear it told in the sound of your own voice.

When she arrived, everyone said she looked just like me. As I stared down at her, I wondered if you would agree. When your eyes first met mine, I can only imagine the love you must have felt. I've experienced that love now, and it makes your loss so much more painful. I can't imagine leaving behind this precious and most beautiful blessing.. it would break my heart to miss out on seeing her grow.

The love I feel for you mom, is so much greater. You were so strong and continued to love me, even though you knew the road may be short. I've always wondered how you did it, but now I realize that there isn't anything in the world more powerful than the love a mother feels for her child. It is instant and beautiful, and I am so overwhelmed by the privilege I have in being a mom.

As she grows, Hayleigh will know how wonderful you were. She will know she had a grandma who would have loved her very much. I will tell her about your smile and how strong you were. I will sing to her at night, like you sang to me. I will read her books, and label everything in the house like you did, so that she will love to read. I will probably catch myself calling her "wiggies," although right now it seems to be "pumpkin." I will make sure that she never goes a day without knowing who you are.. I promise.

Mom, meet your granddaughter.. isn't she beautiful?

         

Hayleigh Elizabeth Luke

8 lbs 14 oz

20 inches 

December 13, 2011 

5:01 AM