Hayleigh, the first month.

Dear Mom,

Hayleigh is a month old today. As I type that sentence, I can't even believe that it is true.

Every day, we marvel at how much we love her and I hope she can already feel that we do. There are a lot of things about this first month that I hope I never forget, so many firsts for all three of us.

As a family, we've already started to get into a bit of a routine. When we first brought her home, she slept in a bassinet in our room. It took both of us a bit longer to fall asleep the first couple of nights, but eventually we stopped watching her and realized we should be sleeping too. This week, we've moved her to her crib and she has given us a five hour stretch every night. I really hope that doesn't change.

We've been keeping a calendar for her, the same as you did for me. I try my best to write in it each week, so that we can go through it when she is older. Being born around the Holiday's she had a really busy first month. We've had tons of visitors and gifts, with many people bringing us dinner during our first week home. It has been wonderful and made realize us how blessed we are.

The only major parenting freak out that I've had was when she lost her umbilical cord on the 18th. Being new parents, both of us were a bit worried about this, since it was only three days after we brought her home. She was perfectly okay. Turns out, she will probably have an outie belly button now. We are just considering it as something she wont be able to pierce when she is sixteen (sorry, pumpkin!).

I'm learning that parenting is a huge sea of unknowns, the depths of which I'm afraid I won't always be able to wade through. I spend so much time thinking about it, that I am also afraid I may miss important things. During our nursing times, I talk to her a lot. One night I looked down at her and asked her if she was going to resemble you in anyway. I lost it, covering her in my tears. I felt stupid at first, but then realized that is probably the best way for me keep you in her life. My memories are what I have and of course they make me sad sometimes. I want her to know it's okay to cry.

I hope she realizes that as she's growing, I am also growing too. Daily, my love for her deepens and my patience the same. She has taught me love in a whole new way and has peeled away the last few layers of grief that I've been hanging on to. For that alone, I will always be thankful.

HAYLEIGH AT ONE MONTH 

11lbs  5oz

22 inches